I like this approach using humility! It’s calming the ego & not reacting. Just let it be! I think this can be used when dealing with those pesky negative intrusive thoughts too! Many times & actually most of the time they are from old habits we unconsciously develop to protect ourselves that keep hanging around when no longer needed that I believe become distorted. Just noticing, & not reacting takes work, time, consistency, & patience because as you said they’ve carved a deep groove & get stuck but by even just being aware of this begins to change things. It’s now seen, out of the closet, so to speak, & has lost some of its power to control! Letting go becomes so much easier! It’s a work in progress, or should I say I’m a work in progress! Love it!♥️
I like the way you described the steps to see how you are dealing with old habits in a family setting. I will try to follow your advice for the family gatherings in a few days. 🙏
Thanks for this timely reminder! I’m emotionally and mentally preparing for what could possibly be the last holiday season with my in laws due to their failing health. As I replay old unpleasant memories, I can reframe them as just thoughts - they are not reality. Family gatherings are such a tremendous opportunity for humility and your advice will stay with me as I navigate the coming days!
Would love a Healthy Minds in-person retreat!! Cheers for all you do Cort & Richie! 💚
When it comes to healing dormant habitual patterns from early upbringing, is it important if you do not remember exactly how these patterns were formed? Is meditation practice and awareness of current emotions sufficient enough for healing? Or is psychotherapy needed to uncover the root causes of those habitual patterns?
Thanks for that timely reminder. I first heard this when I was in my 40's and it really rang true. I had just begun meditating. It was very humbling to become aware of how easily triggered I was by family of origin dynamics. I'm now in my 70's, still meditating, still not quite enlightened, but have a much better awareness of those deeply engrained emotional patterns.
Practice has helped loosen many tensions, and I noticed a shift when I paid attention to how I showed up. Not trying to change anyone or share unduly created far less friction. I still get triggered and want to share, but I’m more able to let things pass and choose moments more wisely when to speak more deeply.
I’ve seen something similar with my young son’s whirlwind. Thankfully, fewer clashes, more ease. Not because I’m “better,” but because I’m better equipped to recognise the flow of energy and less attached to fixing or changing it. Being more centred and grounded allows for calmer, more effective guidance. Thank you for the beautiful steering and the reminder to remain humble and diligent. 💙
I got to practice awareness yesterday. And although I did resort to some old patterns, I reflected on it all afterwards and am using the opportunity to grow. Awareness is already something! I appreciate the invitation here to refrain from judgment and self-criticism.
Now that both my parents are dead, I would go and spend the holidays with family in a heart beat if I could and do my best to work with the pesky patterns. (I'm an only child and have no children myself.) Then... I felt different but still I often went. Once at work some colleagues were talking about what they would want to have as their last meal before their execution. I thought that I would want to sit at my mum's Christmas table just one more time. I do have a mum-in-law, though, so I still have a chance at enlightenment! And I'm doing my best to work with the pesky patterns because what matters in this life is presence, connection, love - but that wisdom arose only after both my parents died, first my dad, suddenly, and then my mum, relatively suddenly. I wasn't present when they died - which may in part have led me to volunteer at a hospice where I see patients who are surrounded by family (and patterns) and patients who are not. Thank you for another informative article!
My mother moved from Illinois to California 10 years ago to escape "Chicago winters" and hauled my dad along. My dad passed away shortly after the move but Mom stayed and enjoyed the California lifestyle. She's now approaching 91, and still a force of nature, but 2 years ago she moved back to be near family. I quickly discovered the truth of Ram Dass's statement! I have been using all the tools I've learned from you and Tergar programs, to show up with her with embodied wisdom. It's a work in progress for sure! I have gained much insight into myself and am observing many dormant habitual patterns. It's been interesting to say the least and will be a lifelong project! Thanks for all your insights and wisdom that help me step back and see the landscape of my relationship with Mom through varied perspectives.
I like this approach using humility! It’s calming the ego & not reacting. Just let it be! I think this can be used when dealing with those pesky negative intrusive thoughts too! Many times & actually most of the time they are from old habits we unconsciously develop to protect ourselves that keep hanging around when no longer needed that I believe become distorted. Just noticing, & not reacting takes work, time, consistency, & patience because as you said they’ve carved a deep groove & get stuck but by even just being aware of this begins to change things. It’s now seen, out of the closet, so to speak, & has lost some of its power to control! Letting go becomes so much easier! It’s a work in progress, or should I say I’m a work in progress! Love it!♥️
Thank you very much.
I like the way you described the steps to see how you are dealing with old habits in a family setting. I will try to follow your advice for the family gatherings in a few days. 🙏
Thanks for this timely reminder! I’m emotionally and mentally preparing for what could possibly be the last holiday season with my in laws due to their failing health. As I replay old unpleasant memories, I can reframe them as just thoughts - they are not reality. Family gatherings are such a tremendous opportunity for humility and your advice will stay with me as I navigate the coming days!
Would love a Healthy Minds in-person retreat!! Cheers for all you do Cort & Richie! 💚
When it comes to healing dormant habitual patterns from early upbringing, is it important if you do not remember exactly how these patterns were formed? Is meditation practice and awareness of current emotions sufficient enough for healing? Or is psychotherapy needed to uncover the root causes of those habitual patterns?
Thanks for that timely reminder. I first heard this when I was in my 40's and it really rang true. I had just begun meditating. It was very humbling to become aware of how easily triggered I was by family of origin dynamics. I'm now in my 70's, still meditating, still not quite enlightened, but have a much better awareness of those deeply engrained emotional patterns.
Practice has helped loosen many tensions, and I noticed a shift when I paid attention to how I showed up. Not trying to change anyone or share unduly created far less friction. I still get triggered and want to share, but I’m more able to let things pass and choose moments more wisely when to speak more deeply.
I’ve seen something similar with my young son’s whirlwind. Thankfully, fewer clashes, more ease. Not because I’m “better,” but because I’m better equipped to recognise the flow of energy and less attached to fixing or changing it. Being more centred and grounded allows for calmer, more effective guidance. Thank you for the beautiful steering and the reminder to remain humble and diligent. 💙
I got to practice awareness yesterday. And although I did resort to some old patterns, I reflected on it all afterwards and am using the opportunity to grow. Awareness is already something! I appreciate the invitation here to refrain from judgment and self-criticism.
Now that both my parents are dead, I would go and spend the holidays with family in a heart beat if I could and do my best to work with the pesky patterns. (I'm an only child and have no children myself.) Then... I felt different but still I often went. Once at work some colleagues were talking about what they would want to have as their last meal before their execution. I thought that I would want to sit at my mum's Christmas table just one more time. I do have a mum-in-law, though, so I still have a chance at enlightenment! And I'm doing my best to work with the pesky patterns because what matters in this life is presence, connection, love - but that wisdom arose only after both my parents died, first my dad, suddenly, and then my mum, relatively suddenly. I wasn't present when they died - which may in part have led me to volunteer at a hospice where I see patients who are surrounded by family (and patterns) and patients who are not. Thank you for another informative article!
My mother moved from Illinois to California 10 years ago to escape "Chicago winters" and hauled my dad along. My dad passed away shortly after the move but Mom stayed and enjoyed the California lifestyle. She's now approaching 91, and still a force of nature, but 2 years ago she moved back to be near family. I quickly discovered the truth of Ram Dass's statement! I have been using all the tools I've learned from you and Tergar programs, to show up with her with embodied wisdom. It's a work in progress for sure! I have gained much insight into myself and am observing many dormant habitual patterns. It's been interesting to say the least and will be a lifelong project! Thanks for all your insights and wisdom that help me step back and see the landscape of my relationship with Mom through varied perspectives.