Relationships can be one of the most powerful parts of the spiritual path because they reveal the parts of ourselves we cannot easily see alone. In this episode of Dharma Lab, Cortland Dahl and Richie Davidson are joined by meditation teachers and authors Devin and Nico Hase to explore how Buddhist practice can help us navigate love, conflict, vulnerability, appreciation, and repair. Drawing on their new book, This Messy, Gorgeous Love, they reflect on why relationships are inherently challenging, how they become mirrors for growth, and how simple practices like awareness, check-ins, and appreciation can turn partnership into a path of awakening.
Podcast Chapter List
0:00 Relationships are rough: using partnership as a spiritual path
1:11 Introducing Devin and Nico Hase and This Messy, Gorgeous Love
5:36 What can a monastic tradition teach us about relationships?
7:05 Devin on translating Buddhist teachings into modern lay life
9:53 Nico on bringing Dharma into the gritty reality of family and partnership
11:29 Richie on family, feedback, and why Dharma must matter in real life
15:23 Retreat, relationship, and why we can’t hide from ourselves
18:04 Partners as teachers: what relationships reveal about us
19:34 Nico on monastic ideals, friction, and freedom
21:29 Richie on being exposed, seen, and changed by relationship
22:16 Self-knowledge, co-regulation, and the dance of partnership
23:36 Writing the book together and relationship as mirror
25:07 Cort on intimacy, fear, and what love uncovered
28:40 Relationships are rough: the myth of smooth sailing
30:04 Vulnerability, exposure, and becoming resilient together
31:21 Dukkha and the “bumpy ride” of partnership
34:24 Appreciation, gratitude, and learning to see the good
42:42 Conflict styles: volcanoes, diplomats, and dodgers
52:19 The trance of nice: kindness, emotion, and authenticity
55:12 Practical takeaways: check-ins, fun, and daily connection
57:43 Final reflections on relationships, friendship, and the book’s wider relevance
