I'm reminded of Shunryu Suzuki Roshi's insistence that we not meditate "with a gaining idea." That we not engage in "stepladder Zen"--always reaching for some more advanced or higher state--a reaching that leaves us perpetually dissatisfied with our present flowing moment. It's a paradox. Would I meditate this morning if some part of me didn't anticipate some "benefit"--calmness, well being, thriving, happiness? Suzuki Roshi also commented that "If it's not a paradox, it's not true." Thanks for this fascinating account of the trip to Nepal.
This dovetails so beautifully with the experience taking the Preparing To Die course with Andrew Holecek. The resonance with this feeling of at least beginning to look through a window at another realm which seems to be disconnected from any awareness of time or any associated “direction.”
Constant wellbeing as an underlying state is not far from that: observing one’s mind being. Not associated necessarily even with brain activity.
I do not think I can express this eloquently , my words do not feel up to the task, but being aware, mindful, being present is a state that used to come and go like binoculars focusing. I have meditated for many years. I always assumed there was a sense of achievement waiting for me once I was “mindful.” Somehow my human foibles, changing moods, reactions would stop.
No one told me they do not. My wiring is still there. I just witness it. Like ethics which can be taught, (once you decide something is not coherent with your principles say eating meat or lying, you cannot fool yourself into doing it again without being aware it is not acceptable to you, it belies your principles.) awareness is an almost-constant state for me.
I observe my emotions, well-worn paths of negative voices, etc. They do not cease. But I am watching them all roll by. I do not seem invested with them in any judgement . I observe these behaviors with benign curiosity. Even if that “me” speaks or reacts, I still observe one degree removed .
I think the “step ladder” may exist but only as that space that Victor Frankl described so eloquently.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
My space is lengthier as a practice. More often than my personality does not have a reaction, more “base” outward expression of my inherent pathways.
I think the wellbeing as a constant state is the presence of the pause and disconnecting the habitual response. The pause gets long enough the threshold for habitual action is not even reached if that makes sense.
It’s not really a reaching as more a turning toward that continual observation past the response pathway.
All of it is still there. But the “me” is more distant from the habitual reaction?
Again, I assumed those reactions would somehow disappear. They have not but I cannot act on them most of the time without knowing I am choosing them and now there is always a constant possibility of watching them go by.
This state of benign observation may be what you discuss as the wellbeing that is a bedrock, timeless, a well of existence beyond ego?
And perhaps we are evolving here in this space. Individually during our lifetime and collectively as a species. In our ability to exist in this level of consciousness with benign observation. Not physically.
Our intuition may reside here, our connection with spirit, the flow states we can tap into in creating art, music or writing must come from here: the sense of those words or art already existing we are just opening the gates to allow them out. They are expressed with regard to our life experiences, choices, they are served up in the context of who I am. We all will draw a unique image of the same model’s body in front of us in the same art class.
I can speak a new language in a few days if I go to a new country. My words may be very crude, spoken without grammar or tense, like a child, yet if I concentrate hard enough it feels like I am forcing my thoughts into the other person’s brain so they feel my intended drift.
This must also be the part of my deepest “me” I am experiencing and from where my truest communication and expression originates. It is detached from my ego.
This sense and the ability to be aware of it is now what gives me hope above the terrible behaviors of us humans on and to the planet which occur around us.
When I meet someone for the first time and they seem to inherently understand me and I them no matter what language we speak, it must be the ourselves in wellbeing mode that communicate.
My agonal struggles through life to “love myself first”, accept “me” without judgement frees my dwelling on the reaction level.
So, there does seem to be a “stair step” Zen or ability to disconnect my consciousness from the more looking with judgement at reactions, then disconnect responses from occurring outwardly instead of observing the first habitual response but being able to prevent myself from actualizing it.
Meditation is the practice that seems to be the vehicle for changing the plane of awareness at which we operate, a new habituation.
No wonder the Dalai Lama says if everyone was taught to meditate at age 8 there would be no more wars.
Still, sometimes this developing a more distant plane of consciousness drives not just connection but separation as well. It increases the distance in us not just from our ego but from others around us. It does involve choice to go there. Practice. Over a lifetime. Like spirituality, I don’t think I will experience an endpoint in this lifetime. The potential horizon of awareness seems to always be receding. There is “more” always to learn to open towards. Others around me may not have seen these other ways of being. It’s not a superiority or judgement. They may not be there, and I am not where I could get to either. In my mind (😂) what perfection can I reach with my imperfect mind? Or even perceive? Truly the more I “know” the more I know I don’t know. Maybe the monks can get there. My existence in this culture seems too complicated to allow this growth too quickly.
Thank you so much, Cort, for sharing with us the essence of your experience with Khandro La, and thanks to her for opening her inner world to you. It truly makes me want to keep observing and learning about the mind. I wonder— is it the same for every person?
In any case, it reminds me of a quote from the “Introduction to the Wisdom of Kabbalah,” by Baal Hasulam, which interprets a passage from the book of Zohar:
“Thus, it explains that all the worlds, upper and lower, are included in man.”
Thanks for letting us have a glimpse of this extraordinary opportunity, Cort. It energized and inspired me, too. So grateful for all you do, and how generously you share with the rest of us.
Cort, thanks so much for writing this down. Your account does indeed open my curiosity and desire to more fully pay attention to my own mind, in many contexts. I don't have the meditation experience that you do; however, I feel like I can try to focus my attention to see where it leads me. Thanks for opening that door.
I'm reminded of Shunryu Suzuki Roshi's insistence that we not meditate "with a gaining idea." That we not engage in "stepladder Zen"--always reaching for some more advanced or higher state--a reaching that leaves us perpetually dissatisfied with our present flowing moment. It's a paradox. Would I meditate this morning if some part of me didn't anticipate some "benefit"--calmness, well being, thriving, happiness? Suzuki Roshi also commented that "If it's not a paradox, it's not true." Thanks for this fascinating account of the trip to Nepal.
Cort, thank you for sharing this. Feels like a door opening to space I wasn't aware existed in this moment.
This dovetails so beautifully with the experience taking the Preparing To Die course with Andrew Holecek. The resonance with this feeling of at least beginning to look through a window at another realm which seems to be disconnected from any awareness of time or any associated “direction.”
Constant wellbeing as an underlying state is not far from that: observing one’s mind being. Not associated necessarily even with brain activity.
I do not think I can express this eloquently , my words do not feel up to the task, but being aware, mindful, being present is a state that used to come and go like binoculars focusing. I have meditated for many years. I always assumed there was a sense of achievement waiting for me once I was “mindful.” Somehow my human foibles, changing moods, reactions would stop.
No one told me they do not. My wiring is still there. I just witness it. Like ethics which can be taught, (once you decide something is not coherent with your principles say eating meat or lying, you cannot fool yourself into doing it again without being aware it is not acceptable to you, it belies your principles.) awareness is an almost-constant state for me.
I observe my emotions, well-worn paths of negative voices, etc. They do not cease. But I am watching them all roll by. I do not seem invested with them in any judgement . I observe these behaviors with benign curiosity. Even if that “me” speaks or reacts, I still observe one degree removed .
I think the “step ladder” may exist but only as that space that Victor Frankl described so eloquently.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
My space is lengthier as a practice. More often than my personality does not have a reaction, more “base” outward expression of my inherent pathways.
I think the wellbeing as a constant state is the presence of the pause and disconnecting the habitual response. The pause gets long enough the threshold for habitual action is not even reached if that makes sense.
It’s not really a reaching as more a turning toward that continual observation past the response pathway.
All of it is still there. But the “me” is more distant from the habitual reaction?
Again, I assumed those reactions would somehow disappear. They have not but I cannot act on them most of the time without knowing I am choosing them and now there is always a constant possibility of watching them go by.
This state of benign observation may be what you discuss as the wellbeing that is a bedrock, timeless, a well of existence beyond ego?
And perhaps we are evolving here in this space. Individually during our lifetime and collectively as a species. In our ability to exist in this level of consciousness with benign observation. Not physically.
Our intuition may reside here, our connection with spirit, the flow states we can tap into in creating art, music or writing must come from here: the sense of those words or art already existing we are just opening the gates to allow them out. They are expressed with regard to our life experiences, choices, they are served up in the context of who I am. We all will draw a unique image of the same model’s body in front of us in the same art class.
I can speak a new language in a few days if I go to a new country. My words may be very crude, spoken without grammar or tense, like a child, yet if I concentrate hard enough it feels like I am forcing my thoughts into the other person’s brain so they feel my intended drift.
This must also be the part of my deepest “me” I am experiencing and from where my truest communication and expression originates. It is detached from my ego.
This sense and the ability to be aware of it is now what gives me hope above the terrible behaviors of us humans on and to the planet which occur around us.
When I meet someone for the first time and they seem to inherently understand me and I them no matter what language we speak, it must be the ourselves in wellbeing mode that communicate.
My agonal struggles through life to “love myself first”, accept “me” without judgement frees my dwelling on the reaction level.
So, there does seem to be a “stair step” Zen or ability to disconnect my consciousness from the more looking with judgement at reactions, then disconnect responses from occurring outwardly instead of observing the first habitual response but being able to prevent myself from actualizing it.
Meditation is the practice that seems to be the vehicle for changing the plane of awareness at which we operate, a new habituation.
No wonder the Dalai Lama says if everyone was taught to meditate at age 8 there would be no more wars.
Still, sometimes this developing a more distant plane of consciousness drives not just connection but separation as well. It increases the distance in us not just from our ego but from others around us. It does involve choice to go there. Practice. Over a lifetime. Like spirituality, I don’t think I will experience an endpoint in this lifetime. The potential horizon of awareness seems to always be receding. There is “more” always to learn to open towards. Others around me may not have seen these other ways of being. It’s not a superiority or judgement. They may not be there, and I am not where I could get to either. In my mind (😂) what perfection can I reach with my imperfect mind? Or even perceive? Truly the more I “know” the more I know I don’t know. Maybe the monks can get there. My existence in this culture seems too complicated to allow this growth too quickly.
So much to “think” about.
Thank you so much, Cort, for sharing with us the essence of your experience with Khandro La, and thanks to her for opening her inner world to you. It truly makes me want to keep observing and learning about the mind. I wonder— is it the same for every person?
In any case, it reminds me of a quote from the “Introduction to the Wisdom of Kabbalah,” by Baal Hasulam, which interprets a passage from the book of Zohar:
“Thus, it explains that all the worlds, upper and lower, are included in man.”
Thanks for letting us have a glimpse of this extraordinary opportunity, Cort. It energized and inspired me, too. So grateful for all you do, and how generously you share with the rest of us.
Such a joy to be on this trip together with you both, Nirosha, and the group!
Cort, thanks so much for writing this down. Your account does indeed open my curiosity and desire to more fully pay attention to my own mind, in many contexts. I don't have the meditation experience that you do; however, I feel like I can try to focus my attention to see where it leads me. Thanks for opening that door.